Life Changes.

My life has changed so much in the last 7 years...change usually isn't a big deal to me. I've learned to roll with it and take it day by day. Once again my life is changing in big ways and I am finding myself really scared. I shouldn't be scared. These are good changes. But it's terrifying at the same time because I finally feel like I'm making the right decisions. I'm confident in the choices I'm making and I think that's a first for me.

Getting divorced is obviously the most major of all. I'm just in the beginning of it so I have no idea what lies ahead of me. I'm sure it's not going to be easy and I know that it's not going to be amicable all the way through. This is going to be good for me. Luke and I are in different places in our lives. I want so much more out of life. He just wants to stay where he's at...I don't want to lower my standards in life to be with a man who doesn't care. I want my children to grow up to be intelligent, loving, and successful individuals. Staying with him will not let me accomplish raising my kids the way I want to.

My new job...this is just the first time I'll have a job that I can make into a career. I was going nowhere fast with French and this is the perfect opportunity to get myself out there. Plus $20,000 more a year isn't too shabby! That will allow me to take care of myself and the kids by myself.

I've been working out again and walking 5 nights a week. I'm trying to eat better (working on this one!). I'm cooking more instead of going out. I was forced to when funds got tight. It's been a really good thing for me and the kids.

I'm going to really try to quit smoking. The Chantix is helping. I'm smoking about half as much as before. You are supposed to start it one week before you intend to quit. I started it Friday and I'm noticing that I don't even think about smoking near as much. Today, I didn't have my first ciggarette until noon! That's a record for me!

There are so many things I want to do in life...and these are the changes I'm making right now. There will be more to come but I don't want to overwhelm myself too much.

This has been really tough...all these changes. But I keep reminding myself that this is better for me and the kids...

Katelyn & Cole will get me through this...I know they will.