Alone.

This weekend I found myself constantly feeling like I needed to be around someone. A friend...family..a stranger at the damn grocery store. I don't know what it is, I guess I'm lonely in a way. It's weird because once I have someone around, I want them to leave so I can be alone. Fucking bizarre. I don't know what my deal is. But now, it's Sunday night and the kids are asleep. Now I feel extremely lonely.

I know that tomorrow is the start of a new week...I'll get up...go to work...come home...and be alone every night after the kids go to bed. Don't get me wrong, I am absolutely thrilled that Luke is gone and the worst bout of loneliness wouldn't make me want him back. I'm just not used to being alone.











I had a great time with my kids this weekend but when they're sleeping it's just so quiet here. I don't have any desire to watch tv. I cleaned a little but I got a little ADD with that and got bored. I drove to St. Louis on Saturday to go to Aeriana's soccer game and out to lunch for my mom's 49th birthday. That was good. Kept my mind off of things.

I know that everything I'm feeling is probably very normal when you are going through a divorce. But ultimately I've never been through this and I had no idea what to expect.


I guess all I can do is take a deep breath and tell myself....This too shall pass.

Just A Few Pictures.

Support.

I think I finally have full support from my parents when it comes to the divorce. I think my mom's concern was about how I would afford my own place. How I would afford the bills alone. How would I deal with the kids alone?

Well...I already pay 95% of the bills without help from him. What he pays is so little that it's not going to affect me. Dealing with the kids? Well, right now I have 3 kids...two of my own and one stepchild. I deal with them ALONE now. When we officially are apart I'll only have my two and to be completely honest, Allen is like having 4 kids at one time so I'll be just fine. Katelyn has her moments but she's a pretty easy kid. Cole is always getting into things, but what 15 month old isn't?? I've already been through this stage with two other children. I'm much more laidback with him because I know in time it will pass.

Will I be lonely? Maybe. But I've made a vow to myself. I'm going to be completely single for at least one full year after my divorce is final. No dates. No sex. No men. Period. Sounds easy right? Well it's not. But that's ok, I'll be fine. I want to do this. I want to be alone and really figure out what I want out of a relationship...and if I ever really want one again.

I'm going to be ok. I have faith. I have my kids. I have my family & friends. I've got God.

I don't need a man. I don't need the drama/problems. I have my babies...and that's all I need :)

Tattoo Help.

I have really crappy artistic ability so I need some help from my friends/readers/lurkers :)

I have a tattoo accross my lower back that says my daughter's name (Katelyn) with stars and such in purple, yellow, red, and blue. I also want to put my son Cole's name on my back but this time around I'm not going for that large of a tattoo. It's a good pain, but this momma can't sit still for that damn long anymore. LOL. I'm wanting to get something in between my shoulder blades that way I can cover it when I'm at work.

I am hoping that one of you has some sort of artistic ability and the time to draw something up for me. I don't want to go in a tattoo shop and have them draw it up because it will look just like 8776565 people's tattoos. That's why I'm asking you guys!!

Help me out!