Pumpkin Patch.

This weekend actually wasn't too bad. I spent a lot of time cleaning and taking care of Katelyn. She had to go to the ER on Saturday because of a bad urinary tract infection. She was miserable. They had to put in a catheter because she couldn't pee. They emptied her bladder and her pee was BROWN. It was GROSS. Poor baby was just miserable. She's feeling much better now. Yesterday we went to the Pin Oak Farms Pumpkin Patch in New Haven. SO much fun!! Davney - you HAVE to take the girls there. It is awesome!!! Luke went with us and we actually had a good time together. I did my best to push my hostility aside and just have a good time. The kids had a blast. We bought a few pumpkins and some fresh acorn & butternut squash. After that we went out to eat and came home and the kids played outside. It was the first REALLY good day I've had in a long time. And I was shocked that Luke was a part of it.
This weekend I started reading Eat Pray Love. That book...wow. I'm halfway through it and it's brought me to tears a number of times. This book just really got me. Courtney - thank you from the bottom of my heart for recommending that book. :)
Well...I have to go to a meeting. I hope you all had a nice weekend.

Update

Katelyn - She is doing wonderfully in preschool. She can write her first name with no problem. She's starting to read and it's wonderful!!! I am so proud of her. She's only four and she just seems so much older at times. She's got a smart mouth on her...we're working on that. I have little to no patience for anyone else's bratty smart mouth kids so it's strange to experience this with my own child. I have no patience for it. But I haven't found a good solution to it either. Anyway - she's doing well. Smart and bossy as ever :)

Cole - Gosh he is growing like a weed. I can't beleive it. He's so damn smart. When we get done with dinner Katelyn and Allen know it's time for a bath. They go back in the laundry room, take off their dirty clothes and put them in the basket. Now after I undress Cole he stands up and literally runs back to the laundry room with his clothes. It's hilarious! He uses so many words now, it's amazing. I guess I shouldn't be shocked, Katelyn started talking really early too....but it still scares the crap out of me. He's such a loveable boy :)

Allen - We've had a rough few weeks. I don't really want to talk about the negatives....I know it seems that I do that a lot. There's just so much that this poor kid is dealing with. I try to "unload" my mind here but the response from a lot of people is really just not what I want/need to hear. Since this is OPEN diary I'm just going to keep the negatives to myself and not put it out there for people to judge. I will say that I'm so glad we discovered that painting helps him. It's amazing to watch him paint. He made a picture for me that is a bunch of pumpkins...and they are just...wow. I can't explain it. But he is extremely artistic. I'm just so glad we've found something that he loves...it actually seems to help when he's angry. It's awesome ; )

Luke - I don't think Luke is a bad guy. I've come to realize that 99% of the way he is stems directly from his upbringing. It's sad. I wish I had it in me to stick by him and wait to see if he could change. But I just can't. I'm not strong enough and I'm not willing to risk my sanity to wait around. We said "til death do us part"...but I think in this instance...I can't do it. I really do love him deep down....but I need stability. My kids need that. he can't give us that right now.

Me - I'm actually ok considering all that's going on. I've been trying to eat at least one meal a day. For awhile I wasn't eating much at all. I'm really focusing on getting myself mentally "healed" so to speak. I'm really trying to find out who I am...I don't know if it's possible. But I want to try.

Halloween Plans - We don't have the kid's costumes yet because Katelyn & Allen can't decide want they want to be. That's something I need to get accomplished this weekend. We're going to trick or treat in St. Clair. I live right in the middle of town - perfect place to trick or treat. It's funny...last year I was able to get rid of the candy without the kids noticing. This year Katelyn is going to be tricky to hide it from. I know it seems mean - but my kids don't eat candy except on very rare occasions. They'll get to keep a couple of pieces and the rest goes in the trash. They don't need to be eating that shit. It's pure sugar. No thank you.

Finances - I'm still behind but I'm DAMN close to catching up. I get paid on the 15th and I'll be caught up after that. I am SO glad. I hate being broke. It really sucks. I'm not totally broke but I definitely am scraping by.

Tampa - It's almost here!!! I am SO excited. Kris - we're hanging out at the hotel bar on Friday night if you want to come join us!!! I need to fill you in on where I'm staying so leave me your email address in a note.

Robert - I swear....that guy is like another one of my kids. He's doing ok. He can walk now. His ankles are healing well and he walks with crutches. He was in a wheelchair. He's going to see a dentist next week to see about getting implants since he lost his teeth. Also, he's suing GM because his air bag sensor went off but the air bags stayed intact. His face would be much better off if the airbags would've came out. Turns out, he wasn't drunk. His blood alcohol content was really low so they are pretty sure he just fell asleep. Scary. But I'm glad he's ok. Love that kid. I've been spending a lot of time at his apartment. me and the kids go over there and clean up his living room/kitchen and help him do his laundry. He'd do the same for me if I was injured.

I guess that's really all for now. My internet may get hooked back up today or tomorrow so you may hear from me this weekend. not sure.

Thursday.

Yesterday I had this feeling in the pit of my stomach. I knew something wasn't right. I asked Rosann to keep the kids overnight. After my I met with my attorney (that went well!) I went to Robert's and helped him clean up his apartment and visited. After that I went home. Luke was pissed that I wasn't home by the time he got there. He got there maybe 5 minutes before I did. Then he got pissed because I wouldn't have sex with him. He is a dick. He yelled at me pretty much all night and said a bunch of really fucked up things to me. Bah.

Whatever.

I have to come up with $1000 for half of my retainer and then my lawyer will file the papers. It can't happen soon enough.

Courtney - I bought Eat Pray Love last night and I'm going to read it this weekend. Thank you hun.

Work Stuff.

Everyone has been asking how my new job is going. I haven't had the energy to write out a long entry so I'm just going to share an email I got this morning. This pretty much sums up what is going on at work. Things are going REALLY well. I'm working my ass off and I've been praying that it would show and that my boss would see that I know the product and work hard. This email is from my mentor (Jeff). He's our top salesman and he is working with my boss (Kate) to train me.

Michelle,

Yesterday's training was awesome! You really impressed me with your will to learn and try new things. I know cold calling is not fun. That's why we're trying to change things up a bit. I'm not expecting you to get a prospect list, make some calls and get appts right away. That's not the point of this. This is not telemarketing. This is personal marketing. Getting the answers. Asking the right questions so that we can talk to the decision maker rather than just a secretary.
Between you, Keelyn, and myself - we called a total of 26 prospects in the BDT Pipeline. Of those 26 we got 12 appts. That is amazing. What's even more amazing is that 9 of those were yours! We knew when you got hired on that you had the knack for sales, but I'm astonished at how great you are doing in your first month here.

Next week, you and I will be going together on some sales calls that you set up. Those will be your personal relationships. From there, you will be getting partial comission on top of your current pay. Once you go to outside sales completely, you'll own those accounts and you'll make full comission. What you bring in, you keep. You can make a lot of money and have a lot of fun with this. It may be 6 months to a year before you go completely to outside sales but I really think that appointment setting and personal marketing to get those appointments over the phone will really help you learn what your sales strategy is. Everyone has a different style. Hang in there. I know being in the office most of the time isn't as much fun as being outside...but that will come in time. So far you have truly proven your abilities and Kate is really impressed. We had a meeting late yesterday and I bragged on you and made sure she knew that you are moving forward in your training and really working hard.

I am thrilled with the Business Development Team. I really think that you and Keelyn are going to kick some ass. We needed young people to come in and change things up. Some of the salespeople that have been here for years...they are happy with the accounts they've got. They don't care about going out and finding new business. That is where you will excel.

Keep on keepin on! You're doing great!

Jeff S.

So...that gives you the basic idea of how it's going. Work is amazing. I absolutely love my job. Love the business development team. We have a great team and I'm learning from the best. The pay is fantastic. I am just really happy here :)

Tuesday.

Tomorrow is my appointment with my attorney...and then a counseling appointment right after. I am looking forward to both. I need to find out from my new attorney how much I need up front. And with everything that has happened in the past week..I am in need of speaking with someone who is outside of my situation. Someone who will not judge me and someone who will understand what I am going through.

Bad Weekend.

My 26th birthday is now considered the very worst birthday I've had in my entire life. I'm not going to get into what happened because honestly, I don't need to hear about it from anyone. I was barely able to tell Chantele on the phone because I was just so embarrased of what is happening to me...but anyway...whatever. It was awful. It ended horribly too. I went to bed at 9 and was woke up to someone banging on my door at 10. It was Luke's dad. He had blood all over him and he was beat up BAD. Apparently my brother was in town this weekend...and he was at the bar with my dad. Most of you know that my dad and Luke's dad do not get along. Melvin is a prick and he is constantly saying stupid shit and getting drunk and acting like an asshole. Apparently my brother (the only sober one!) got tired of Melvin running his mouth. He walked over to him at the bar and said, "Look man, enough is enough. You don't like my dad and that's fine. Just ignore eachother and let everyone have a good time tonight." Melvin didn't like that so he told my brother to meet him outside. Matt did just that and Melvin punched him in the face and gave Matt a bloody nose. My brother doesn't take shit from ANYONE so he hauled off and beat the shit out of Melvin.
Now, I'm not mad at my brother, I just wish he would've kept his mouth shut and left it alone....
Anyway...we only live 2 blocks from the bar so Melvin stumbled down to our house and had us call the cops. After I called the cops, he told me that my brother was the one who did it. I was pissed. I had just called the cops on my own brother for defending himself. Anyway - Melvin is fine. He's just banged up. But that was a lovely end to my already shitty birthday.
Yesterday was equally awful for different reasons. I'm glad the weekend is over.
I don't even feel like talking about the rest of it.

Quick.

I figured I needed to write a little something since it's been awhile. I should have the internet again this week since I was finally able to pay that horrible bill.

I went to my first counseling session with ALIVE. It was a good experience for me. It was hard to talk about certain things...and actually admit some of the things my husband has done...but I think it was good for me to say it out loud. She helped me find an attorney and I have an appointment on Wednesday to see her. I want this to just be over with.

Last night I couldn't sleep. Just kept wondering how I got here. How my life ended up this way.

Whatever...I'm changing it now. That's all that matters, right?