Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Silence.

Last night in the silence that has become my marriage...I just sat there and stared at him. I don't really know why but I couldn't stop. I guess I was looking for answers. Trying to figure out where we went wrong and what brought us to this hostile, quiet place we're in. He was watching a movie and didn't notice me staring at him for the longest time. Finally he looked over at me and said, "Is something wrong?" I just told him I was fine and half heartedly watched the movie with him. I couldn't get my mind off of it though. It blows my mind...I thought I knew him so well. He thought he knew me. Now we're like strangers and it's just a strange and uncomfortable feeling. He's still my husband. He's still the father of my child. For awhile, I couldn't remember the good times. Now that my anger has diminished I can remember them. I'm ready to let go of him. I'm ready to make my life mine and I'm ready to forgive him.

3 comments:

Manic Mom said...

Oh, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how this must make you feel. You need to congratulate yourself for being strong enough to forgive, that I do know!

This is all I've read so I don't know the backstory, but my heart goes out to you.

mrsNo said...

re//oh thanks! i know; he's just so stinkin' cute! he never smiles for pictures though, so no one ever gets to see his dimples. they're ADORABLE!! i hope our babies get them :)

Taylor said...

I've heard from several people that, with boys who have behavior issues, just cutting out their red and yellow dyes in their food makes a HUGE change. I'm positively certain that changing his diet would make a huge difference. It's difficult - but eventually you get to the point that you're just tired of the "easy way out" not working anymore.

I'm pretty sure that many of Gabes tantrums are because of his dairy intake. He doesn't have many - but he does have quite a few. I'm going to slowly switch him over to rice milk and almond milk soon.