Wednesday, October 31, 2007

That Thing Called Parenting.

Yesterday I sat in Katelyn's preschool classroom next to her dad. We watched her with her classmates and listened to them sing Halloween songs. We got along. We were both smiling from ear to ear because we're both so proud of our little girl. It was an experience that I thought would be awkward. In fact, I didn't even know if he would show up. And I feared that if he did, it would be hostile. Obviously I knew we would have both kept our composure at the school but I knew that if there was tension, others might notice it. Luckily, that didn't happen. We got along just fine. I was able to look past everything that has happened. I don't know, but maybe it's a sign that I'm ready to forgive him.

Anyway - the look on Katelyn's face when she saw us sitting next to was priceless. She kept looking at me and then looking at him and then back to me. She was smiling so big. She ran up to us and didn't know who to hug first. She told her teacher like 14 times that her mommy and her daddy both came to see her Halloween performance. It was really cool.

I know that I complain about Brian a lot...and I have a right to. But I will say this, he does love his daughter. He just doesn't have his life on the right track. He doesn't know whether he's coming or going. He doesn't know how to prioritize. While some people may say that it's parental instinct to do that, I don't think that's true. I really think that some people aren't meant to be parents but things happen and they become parents. I think people can change. I think people like Brian have the opportunity to be good parents. It's a matter of choice. I don't know if he'll ever be the dad that Katelyn deserves. But he's her dad. She loves him. And he loves her. That's all that matters to me at this point.

I am by no means a perfect parent. There are plenty of things I can and will improve about my parenting. It's a learning process and we all make mistakes along the way. But I know this...Katelyn knows that she is loved. By me and by Brian. She has tons of positive influences around her to hopefully counteract the irresponsible choices her dad makes. She's going to be just fine. And maybe one day her dad will get this whole parenting thing and make the changes in his life to be a good parent all the time and not just every now and then. I chalk it up to immaturity and the way he was raised. It's not entirely his fault, but it's time for him to be an adult and take responsibility for his actions.

He's changed a lot in the last few years for the better but he's got a long way to go. It was just really nice that he showed up yesterday. He's not my favorite person, but he's one of Katelyn's favorite people.

1 comment:

Manic Mom said...

You have got your shit together girlfriend! What a great attitude on your part! I haven't been through the archives to know what has happened, but wow! You've got a terrific attitude that will carry you so far. And you are a great parent for thinking the way you do. Just awesome! I'm glad your daughter now has that great memory of her Halloween show!